Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
