In the future we'll all be gay
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
