I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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