Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
