I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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