Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
