I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
