my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
