Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
