i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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