i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
