Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
