More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
