I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i dont even know how to be here
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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