oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
