Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
