stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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