There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
