Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
