this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
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I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
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Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
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