I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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