This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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