If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
