Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
