I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
did i walk over a car last night?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
