He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
