upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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