No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
