She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
