I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
