halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
