remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize