She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
