I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
