He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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