I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
