Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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