i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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