do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
