I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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