Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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