Got a toothbrush?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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