I looked at my own cervix.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
