i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
