i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
