is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
