You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this boner is exhausting
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
