Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
