I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
