this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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