I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
