Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
