question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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