lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
