I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he just fucked me for my cheese.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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