god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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