party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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