went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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