No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
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Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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