what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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