do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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