I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
