I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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