I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
