Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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