i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize