i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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