all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
