Only a mothe r could love this liver
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
