I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
