its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
