i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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