she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster