Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just googled if crying burns calories
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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