Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
