i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
