You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
