His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
